Are you being true to your authentic self? What does it mean to “live authentically”?
Living authentically means being true to yourself, no matter what. Embracing authenticity isn’t always the safest option when it comes to pleasing others. However, the negative consequences of living inauthentically are much more severe than the criticism you may face for being authentic.
With this in mind, here’s why it’s important to be authentic and how you can work towards authenticity.
The Dangers of Inauthenticity
Being inauthentic is harmful to your mental health and your happiness. When you’re pretending to be someone you’re not for the sake of social approval, you disconnect from your true needs. As a result, two things happen:
You Suppress Your Feelings
Bottling up your feelings for the sake of social approval leads to a number of unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns.
- You pretend to agree with others: Because you want to get along with others and receive positive feedback, you avoid disagreeing with them—either by pretending to take their side or staying quiet. However, the more you avoid expressing your true opinions, the more insecure you feel in your relationships—you never know if people like you for who you are or because you’re validating their opinions.
- You agree to things that you don’t want to do: Even though this approach garners positive feedback, doing things you don’t want to do often makes you feel angry and resentful. However, because you’re unable to acknowledge how your own thought patterns created these unwanted situations, you mistakenly assume that other people are making you do things that you don’t want to do. This leads you to conclude that other people are to blame for your negative feelings. As a result, you don’t feel accountable for your role in these unwanted situations, and you believe that you’re powerless to change them.
- You judge people who do express their disagreement. Because you believe that expressing disagreement is “bad” or “wrong,” you automatically dislike or feel uncomfortable around people who do express their disagreement. Instead of questioning why you feel this way, you assume that your opinion is valid and that they should change the way they act to make you feel better.
Your Pursue the Wrong Goals
When you focus more on how you’re perceived by others than how you really feel, you’re compelled to pursue the wrong goals. As a result, two things happen:
- You spend most of your energy doing things to please or impress others. For example, you wanted to be a nurse, but your parents wanted you to become a neurosurgeon because it sounded more impressive to them. So, you dedicated years of extra training to becoming a neurosurgeon instead of pursuing your desired path.
- You spend a lot of energy doing things that don’t satisfy you or make you happy. For example, being a neurosurgeon leaves you joyless and unfulfilled, but you won’t quit because you fear losing the admiration you’ve worked so hard to attain.
Barriers to Living Authentically
Living authentically takes a lot of courage. Letting the world see who you truly are can be scary, not least because being authentic often throws up two major barriers:
The fear of resistance from your loved ones. Living authentically requires you to change your behavior—specifically, to stop hiding parts of yourself and curb any inauthentic behaviors. You may fear that your loved ones won’t accept this new, authentic you and that this will damage your connections with them.
The fear of challenging societal expectations. Society demands we conform to certain norms—that we look, act, and think in a certain way. If your true, authentic self doesn’t match up to society’s expectations, you may be afraid to be yourself. What if people reject, criticize, or shame you for failing to conform? The fear of this happening isn’t totally unfounded; societal expectations are so deeply ingrained in our culture that people often ridicule or shame those who fail to meet them.
Relationships thrive on authenticity. Being authentic cultivates trust and openness. Honest and truthful communication allows for deeper connections. Giving people the courage to be themselves allows them to be vulnerable. Vulnerability encourages emotional closeness, understanding, and acceptance. Authenticity also draws like-minded people who value each other. Genuineness creates a supportive environment that reduces stress and streamlines dispute resolution. Cultivating trust, understanding, and meaningful relationships, authenticity promotes personal growth and fulfillment.
The pull to conform to social norms can be strong. We often fear the pushback and rejection that can result from breaking convention. However, this is a fear we must overcome if we want to learn how to live authentically. Resisting societal pressure shows independence and honesty. Resisting social demands is essential for personal well-being. It entails following one’s ideals, beliefs, and goals even when they conflict with society.
Resilience may help you find and complete yourself. It takes bravery to defy tradition and embrace one’s own personality. Pushing back against societal pressure empowers and frees people to make authentic choices. People live more authentically and contribute to a varied, inclusive community that recognizes individual diversity by doing so. This rejection of conformity might motivate others to live more authentically and meaningfully.
How to Live Authentically
Overcoming the barriers to living authentically can be a challenging process, as human beings are hard-wired to want to fit in with others, often by adhering to external expectations. For example, if you want to make a good impression on a new co-worker, you may agree to every favor that they ask of you, even if it leads to unnecessary stress.
If you’re ready to shed your fake identities and begin living authentically, consider the following tips:
Be willing to say “no.”
If someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do or don’t feel you can do without overwhelming yourself, say “no.” You may frustrate some people when you begin to do this, but agreeing to do something you don’t want to do builds the foundation for resentment. For example, if your friend asks you for help filing their paperwork on a Friday afternoon when you’ve already worked a full 40-hour workweek, saying “yes” may lead to unnecessary frustration.
To prepare yourself, practice saying “no” in the mirror and bring notes with you when you’re turning someone down. These habits allow you to become more comfortable in the situation and keep your emotions from clouding your judgment.
Note: This doesn’t mean you have to say “no” every time someone asks you to do something for them. You can help people when they reach out, but have a clear sense of your level of stress or exhaustion and don’t overextend yourself.
Be willing to say “yes.”
Conversely, if you find a project or venture that you’re genuinely excited about, say “yes.” Often, the prospect of imperfection or ineptitude may keep you from diving in. However, if you allow fear to dictate your behavior, you’ll never be willing to try new things or engage in projects that excite you.
For example, if you’ve always been interested in taking a painting class, take a painting class. Though you may be afraid that your lack of artistic experience may lead to shame, you’ll never know what benefits the class will provide if you never take the leap of faith.
Develop a Mantra
Create a simple mantra based on an authenticity goal. Repeat this phrase to yourself before entering high-stress situations to remind you to practice living authentically. For example, if your goal is to accept that your needs are important enough to say “no” to things, you could say to yourself, “My needs outweigh others’ expectations.”
The Importance of Authenticity at Work
In modern organizations, everyone is forced to close off part of themselves in order to present a mask of professionalism. However, such dynamics erode trust and a sense of belonging in the workplace.
On the other hand, companies that promote authenticity at work encourage people to be fully present, quirks and all. With no hierarchy, colleagues relate to each other as adults and are able to see each other as people, not merely cogs in a machine.
Without having to impress a boss every day, workers are more likely to be themselves. As a result, people trust each other more and feel more valued as employees, which feeds into their motivation to deliver their best performance.
Final Words
Rebelling against societal pressure is brave and encourages people to live authentically. Resisting social norms helps people discover their actual selves. Defying conformity is a personal accomplishment and a step toward a more varied and inclusive society that values individual diversity. It takes courage to defy standards, but the rewards include self-discovery, fulfillment, and true friendships. Once more people choose authenticity over conformity, it inspires others to break away from society and live their genuine selves. Rebelling against societal pressure leads to self-empowerment and a greater human experience. Accepting ourselves as we are and discarding our ideal selves is authenticity. Authentic living helps you find harmony with yourself and others by valuing your needs and identity.
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