In the quest for self-discovery and authenticity, we often find ourselves navigating a world that seems to impose its expectations upon us. amidst societal pressures and external influences, staying true to ourselves can be an arduous yet profoundly rewarding endeavor. In this post, we will explore the path to being authentic without mentioning any specific individual but drawing inspiration from timeless principles that promote self-discovery and genuineness.
Self-Discovery Requires Self-Awareness
You know how, on every major crime show, the detectives follow one clue to the next to solve a crime? They find things like DNA samples, witness testimony, or footage. Every time they find something, new questions arise. Ultimately, these further questions help them find new answers, eventually leading to the truth.
You can probably see the connection I’m drawing between detective work and self-discovery. I make this analogy, however, to highlight an essential difference between the two.
While detectives can pick up evidence from the outside, whether it be from a crime scene or other people, self-discovery often demands evidence from the inside. We must look internally for the clues we need.
For this reason, self-discovery requires us to be self-aware.
Self-awareness is our ability to identify and monitor our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If this sounds simple, it’s not. A multitude of brain biases, cultural influences, and human tendencies inhibit our self-awareness daily. (Learn more about why self-awareness is important here.)
If self-discovery is the process of unearthing ourselves, then self-awareness is the tool we need to dig.
The other element we need for our self-discovery journey is vulnerability. Even if you don’t buy into the damaging myths about vulnerability, you still might think vulnerability is only reserved for relationships. However, it requires a great deal of vulnerability to ask ourselves deep questions and face the answers.
I graduated at the top of my class in high school. Many of my teachers eagerly suggested career paths for me. When I attended college (largely lost and confused), I stumbled upon a teaching internship. I loved it, so I ended up taking a teaching position at a boarding school immediately after graduation.
Over my first few years as a teacher, I fought inner critics in my head. Everyone thought you could be a leading mathematician or lawyer, and you’re just a teacher. (Don’t worry, I’ve since learned how to confidently tell myself and others that teaching is an extremely challenging and important profession.)
But at the time, I grappled with what I thought I wanted (self-discovery) and what I thought I should be (false cultural narratives). Thank goodness I found the courage to be vulnerable, withhold judgment, and have faith in the answers I found in my self-discovery.
Self-discovery is a long, sometimes stressful process. You need to be patient with yourself as you learn to trust what you discover about yourself.
Steps for Self-Discovery and Finding Your Purpose
Self-discovery is an ongoing process. As such, it’s going to look different for everyone in its scope and sequence. Join inspiring and challenging groups to broaden your viewpoint. Assess your strengths and shortcomings honestly to identify development areas. Create a personal growth plan with values-aligned goals. Accept difficulties and evolve, knowing that self-discovery requires change. Update your goals as you change. A life that reflects your genuine self will emerge from this purposeful approach. However, you can follow these basic steps to kickstart your self-discovery journey.
Make sure you have the right mindset
No matter how much you want something, you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t have the right mindset. In the case of self-discovery, this entails understanding what it is you should be doing.
First, you must be open and vulnerable enough to dive in deep. Self-discovery is not something you can “skim” the surface of. Imagine reading a book and saying, “No, I prefer to read the first five paragraphs of even-numbered chapters, and that’s it.” Would you understand what the book is saying? Of course not! The same is true for self-discovery.
Second, you must not fall for cultural myths. Our society tricks us about what is meaningful (money, superficial connections, and extraordinary metrics for success, to name a few). Not to mention that we feel like we’re expected to have one life passion, find it early, and live our days fulfilling it.
Finally, you must be patient with yourself. Self-discovery is a journey without a destination. For those of you who like certainty and completion, this might be a challenge for you. (I can’t relate. Nope, not at all. I love living in the moment without plans or control. (No problem; bring on the uncertainty.) The more you can lean into this mindset, the more successful your self-discovery will be.
Start with what brings you joy
As I said earlier, we have a tendency to focus on the negative. Let’s imagine that I sat ten people down with a notebook that said, “Start your self-discovery by journaling.” I bet the majority would begin writing about inner conflicts, difficult times, and negative things they want to change. Yes, you’ll have to get to these things eventually, but not at the beginning.
To start your self-discovery, you must first focus on what brings you joy. After all, it’s only when you can identify your brand of joy that you can begin to find purpose. There are two ways you can start with joy. One method is to reflect on everything that brings you happiness in life.
The second method involves visualization. Close your eyes and imagine a moment in your life when you felt the most complete, fullest version of yourself. You didn’t feel any inner turmoil, sense of urgency, or pull to be somewhere else. It should be a time when everything just feels right. Once you have your answer, consider the themes that emerged. What made you feel so joyful? What component do you want to feel in all that you do? What does this say about you?
Your self-discovery can’t take off until you understand what brings you joy.
Get curious and ask questions
The word “discovery” can sometimes elicit a passive connotation. When we walk on the beach, we discover seashells. Or when we go into the store, we discover our favorite brand of ice cream (Friendly’s chocolate cookie dough ice cream, anyone?).
When it comes to self-discovery, we need to embody a more active role. Yes, life will throw seashells, ice cream, and various other experiences our way. But it’s up to us to ask questions about these experiences and how they make us feel. Curiosity is one of the most essential qualities for successful people. Why? Because being curious means that you A) ask a question, and B) work to find the answer.
Curiosity also involves setting yourself up for new experiences. In our examples, you took action when you chose to go for a walk on the beach or go to the store. Every day, we decide what to do with our time. If you want to embark on a journey of self-discovery, you must choose to do things that will inspire the questions that you need.
Explore multiple sources of information
If you wanted to learn all about someone, would you only use one source of information? Would you rely on one person’s opinion, test result, or story to give you a complete picture of who they are as a person? Of course not! Not only would this be drastically incomplete, but you’d also risk many biases influencing your perception.
The same notion holds true when you’re trying to learn all about yourself. If you only rely on one source (generally, ourselves), you’re not going to discover the whole truth. Remember, the human species is incredibly flawed and biased, making it tough to be self-aware.
Now, I’m not saying that you should always doubt yourself or the discoveries you make. But you should explore multiple sources of information beyond your own thoughts. Get feedback from other people. Consider what your life choices say about you, even if you think it’s obvious. Evaluate your relationships, job, environment, and goals. What you find in the outside world might help you better understand your internal one.
The more you can think of self-discovery as an intense research project, the more you’ll uncover the essential truths you’re looking for.
Experiment with different exercises and activities
In the same vein, you can also enhance your self-discovery journey by experimenting with different exercises and activities. You might be surprised by what knocks loose a new revelation.
One of my friends used to say that “ambition” was a driving value for her. Then, after taking a couple of personality tests, it quickly became apparent to her that she was much more motivated by relationships and teamwork than by success and personal advancement. She had to shed her previous misconceptions (no doubt inspired by cultural narratives and shame) to become a fuller version of herself.
There are tons of quizzes, tests, and activities out there for you to explore. You can learn more about your personality, your strengths, and your self-awareness. Now, the results of an online test probably won’t be the 100% truth you’re looking for. But they will inspire more questions and tell you something about yourself; even if you completely disagree with your results, you can question why they were so wrong.
Furthermore, self-discovery can come from expanding your life boundaries. Try your hand at journaling, painting, or building something. Travel is often associated with self-discovery, and it can give you a new perspective on how you fit in the world. The more you do, the more you can discover.
Test your new discoveries in life
You fully dive into your self-discovery journey, realizing things about yourself that you never knew before. Now, not only are you more self-aware, but you’ve established new beliefs and assertions about yourself. You have discovered yourself. Congratulations on your discoveries!
Now you have to try them on and test them in your life.
Let me use the example of shopping for clothes to explain what I mean. When you’re in the store, you find an outfit that fits you well, so you buy it and bring it home While the purchase phase is done, the life cycle of your discovery isn’t over yet. How many of you have bought a new outfit only for it to sit untouched in your closet for months? Or, when you wear it for a whole day, you realize that it’s not as perfect as you initially thought? Perhaps you like it at first, but as the months and years go by, you grow tired of it, or your tastes have changed.
As you discover new things about yourself, whether it’s a value, decision, or goal, it’s important that you try them on. Only when you put your truths into the world can you see how they feel. Self-discovery is all about discovery, evaluation, and re-evaluation. Rather than seeing this process as inauthentic, try to understand how crucial it is to finding your authentic self.
Conclusion!
Your self-discovery never really ends. Self-discovery is an ongoing process. As much as we’d like it to be something we can complete, that’s not the case. Our lives are a series of experiences and changes. Imagine if you still held onto the beliefs you had when you were a kid. I’d wager to guess that you’re a different person now than you were twenty, ten, five, or even one year ago. Self-discovery is the profound process of uncovering our innermost selves and transforming our lives. It is a deep dive into our ideas, feelings, and goals.
We face the darkness and brightness of our experiences through self-discovery. This journey is about accepting our life story as well as discovering our interests, beliefs, and purpose. Deeper exploration reveals resilience, latent potential, and growth potential. A dedication to self-awareness and constant revelation creates authenticity and helps us to live in line with our genuine selves. Self-discovery is the foundation of human growth, giving our lives meaning and purpose.